Balm and Blade Publishing

a review of "Unspoken Confessions" posted on Google Books

2010-04-27T10:10:00.003-04:00

"This is a story told through poetry. The poetry gives it a special kind of beauty even through the anguish found in some passages. It is best read in order from the first poem onward to the last poem to get the full impact. This book is so amazing I find it hard to choose words to give it justice. You have to experience it! It is truly a triumphant book of tremendous hope. I was so inspired by this book that I want to give it to everyone I know. "

Abby

(more reviews here)

video of our exhibit at Generation of Youth for Christ (GYC) 2009

2010-01-06T18:27:00.004-05:00

GYC 2009: UNashamed

Just in time for the holidays… 50% off!!!

2009-12-03T19:42:00.002-05:00

Balm and Blade is excited to announce that we’ve recently switched over to a new printing company and this change has given us the opportunity to release a second edition of Unspoken Confessions. Not only were we able to add nearly 30 extra pages, but we are also able to do so with no extra cost to you!

Ok, so that’s not completely true. The price has changed from $7.99 to $8.00, but for reasons completely unrelated. Besides, I think paying an extra penny will be well worth what you gain in the new edition, which now features photography and two new essays.

But wait, it gets even better (lol, now I sound like a cheesy TV commercial): for the rest of the month, if you order Unspoken Confessions from this website (https://www.createspace.com/3408134), you can get it for 50% off!

All you have to do is enter this discount code (XB5N6VHM) and you can get one for half off… or two for the price of one! Hey, why not buy one for a friend, right?

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Well, that is all for now. As I mentioned on an earlier Facebook/Twitter status update, a rough draft of a Romanian translation of Unspoken Confessions is done. Also, a Spanish translation may develop in the near future.

Also, Balm and Blade is teaming up with AdventWear and going to GYC at the end of this month. Please keep us in your prayers.

Thanks for all your support. None of this would be possible without you. God bless.

~Jason

reviews of "Unspoken Confessions" from Amazon.com (part 3)

2009-11-02T20:52:00.002-05:00

An UnPoet's Evaluation: Dark and Refreshing
by Matthew J. Lucio

Vanderlaan's poetic debut underscores years of patient apprehension at what he perceives as the dishonest posturing of many men. He calls his book "an attempt at honesty" and "an attempt to find light in the darkness." Accordingly, the book unfolds along the dark contours of love and loss, exploring these themes in imagery that is often times disturbing. The poetry is incisive as it relentlessly pursues repeated themes-until despair sets in. But, despite the dark ambiance, the book eventually culminates in a crescendo of Christian imagery. In the end it is Vanderlaan's faith, so cleverly concealed in the first half of the book, that eventually emerges as a dominant passion for healing and hope.

I don't read poetry as a rule, but in this case I'm glad I made an exception. Vanderlaan writes about reality we can all relate to in the hope that we would soon realize that it's a future we can't live with. I recommend this book to all (poet or anti-poet) those who are ready for an attempt at honesty.

reviews of "Unspoken Confessions" from Amazon.com (part 2)

2009-11-02T20:51:00.000-05:00

Balm & Blade appropriate
by Beth-Anne White

Reading this book made me see the publishing company's title in a different light. There is definitely a blade in this poetry. It is deep and cutting at times, but Vanderlaan takes us beyond just the pain to where healing can be found, to the balm.
Unspoken Confessions is not what people might call an "easy read" but it is stunning in its clarity and depth. I have read and reread this book for the great poetry and the message that is in them. It is not often that a poet comes a long and has meaningful and well-written poetry. Vanderlaan has both.
I am looking forward to getting and reading his next book.
This book is for guys and girls. Each will gather something different from it, but both will benefit from reading Unspoken Confessions.

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Wisdom beyond his years
by Karen Vanderlaan

In his first book, Jason Vanderlaan writes with widom and insight beyond his years. Unspoken Confessions is a book that tells of the author's desire to be a truly noble and good man. There is a great deal of substance to Jason's writing as well as struggle and discovery.
Reading "Unspoken Confessions will inspire the reader to be a better human being.

reviews of "Unspoken Confessions" from Amazon.com (part 1)

2009-11-02T15:03:00.002-05:00

incredible book, amazing writer
by Amber Hill

This book was incredible. Every poem was candid and honest about what men struggle with, the temptations they have, and the desire to overcome. It is exactly what Jason said it to be -- an attempt at honesty, at hope, and and attempt to find light in the darkness.

Initially when I started reading it, I thought, "Certainly every man can't be this bad..." It was a bit discouraging. But you must keep reading, because this isn't a poetic story of failure, but of hope and of faith and of strength. By the end of the book, I had fallen in love with the speaker in the poems -- a man who struggles with temptation, a man who wants to do good, and a man of strength and character. A man any woman would be lucky to have.

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Inspiring
by Kristin Thomas

This book was more than an attempt at honesty and hope; it was a success.

Each poem is genuine and open, leaving no doubt in your mind that what you've just read is from the heart. I enjoyed seeing the transformation from being overcome by sin and temptation to a deliberate defiance and a stand against impurity and the power of darkness. But most of all, I think it was inspiring to see in these poems that there is something better than the counterfeit love the world has sold us- a true, pure love that can be reached only by accepting God's hand and allowing Him to pull us all out of darkness.

This book is a calling to a higher standard and a better life- for both men and women.

review of "Unspoken Confessions" in Southern Accent Newspaper

2009-10-30T21:35:00.002-04:00

http://accent.cs.southern.edu/?p=502

Review by Helen Pyke, Creative Writing Professor at Southern Adventist University:

“Unspoken Confessions,” a collection of poems by 2007 Southern graduate Jason Vandelaan, might have been banned from the McKee Library a few years ago, and even in 2009 some readers on campus might think the poet too frank about male sexuality. However, a careful reader reads introductions, and the introduction of Vanderlaan’s book is as telling as any of the poetic confessions which follow. Vanderlaan speaks for himself in some poems, in other poems for friends or for men he would hardly call friends. He examines the sometimes faltering resolution of Christian men and the anguish of spirit resulting from their disappointment in themselves. He challenges them to hold themselves and each other accountable. He warns young men that “loving the way she made me feel” is not the same as loving, and warns young women that what they and their girlfriends may think is a cute outfit may inspire the “Vampire” to more than playful nibbles.

Confessions leads the reader from recognition that what all too often is seen as normal is sin to revulsion, to confession, and to contrition. Vanderlaan rejoices in God’s recreative power. In “Sleeping in Gethsemane” the poet cries out of slumber for a clean heart, a heart which will hate the sin which has taken over even his dreams. Another speaker in “I Could Not Betray Eve Again” concludes:

And sometimes we must say no
Even when she’s begging for a yes.
And I could not betray Eve again
By giving in
To her offer of forbidden fruit
When she needed me to stand firm.
So she stood, waiting
With pursed lips
And empty hands
As I turned away.

“Unspoken Confessions” is a call to sexual purity at every level, of mind as well as body. Vanderlaan challenges Christian males to surrender their desires to the One who made them men, to become, not just the man of some woman’s dreams, but the husband who can joyously give his wife all the love of his lifetime. The final section of the poetic collection is called “The Way Back Starts Not with a Step, But With a Stand.” The collection of poems itself is a banner in the hands of a color bearer in Christ’s army. In effect, the poet says, “Here I stand. If you choose to be Christ’s man or woman, come stand with me.”

"Fire" now available!!!

2009-10-19T19:12:00.001-04:00

3 ways to get "Fire":

1. from: https://www.createspace.com/3399194 for $6.10 plus S&H (a little cheaper than Amazon, though I think a little slower too)

2. from amazon.com for $6.10 plus S&H

3. from me directly (in person) for $5.

Enjoy!

~Jason

Fire Trailer (Elemental Endeavours Series)

2009-10-18T10:11:00.003-04:00

fireside confession

2009-10-16T22:51:00.000-04:00

I write, not because I am,
But because I wish to become.

"Fire" t-shirts available from adventwear.com

2009-10-15T18:14:00.002-04:00

Check them out here!

"Fire" Teaser (Elemental Endeavors)

2009-10-12T22:24:00.004-04:00

More Kissing! (or the lack thereof)

2008-11-15T00:06:00.007-05:00

I decided that instead of replying to each comment y'all left me, I'd just write a reply and post it as a new blog. If you don't care about other people's questions then you can just skip to your section. :-)

*Here begins a massive reply to multiple people. Proceed with caution.*

Jenn:
I don't know whether or not I'm putting undue emphasis on these things... personally, I believe that they were intended to be very special and deserve emphasis.

But I understand where you're coming from with the concern about saying "no" to something and not leaving another option. I think that is part of the problem with some people saying teens can't have sex but not telling them why, or that there is a good time for it (in marriage). If I were doing the same and leaving no other option (i.e. no kissing EVER! mwahahaha!) then that'd be completely wrong. I am only trying to emphasis the importance of such acts within their proper context. And if someone wants a more immediate substitute, they could trying emotional intimacy before physical intimacy.

Just because something may seem more attractive because we forbid it, doesn't necessarily make it wrong to forbid. If this was true, we'd have to blame God for forbidding the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And at least with sex/kissing/hugging there is a time/place when it is not only acceptable, but good and holy.

Adelina:
1- Regardless of what ways a person primarily gives/receives love (i.e. love languages), I think most people would want to receive love in all possible ways. Your lowest love language might be "gifts" but if your significant other never gave you a gift, you might still be hurt.

But I guess your question is whether or not some other way of expressing love can make up for the physical. I say yes and no. In the long run, no. Physical touch is healthy and necessary in an intimate human relationship. But in the short term, I think that love can be expressed in other ways. Love is vast and the various ways to express it are inexhaustible.

And again, I'm not necessarily advocating no physical touch... just reserving certain kinds of touch for marriage.

2- We live in a sinful and tragic world, one in which relationships end not only because of breakups but also because of other reasons, like unexpected deaths. But on to your question...

If we lived in a perfect world, without the fear of relationships ending, would we still have to save (fill in the blank) for marriage? Very good question. And I'm afraid it is one we may never be able to fully answer this side of eternity. The only example we have of a sin-free relationship is Adam and Eve... but that was quite a unique circumstance anyway: they were married (and even this I only assume) almost the very moment they met.

But, of course, I have an opinion. I suspect that in a perfect world there would be no romantic touch before marriage. I also suspect that there wouldn't be any need for dating, or maybe even for engagements (though I could be wrong). One of the reasons for dating is to help the couple get to know each other and make sure they 1) want to marry each other, 2) are ready to marry each other. Both of these variables are affected by emotional maturity, which I assume in a perfect world would be guaranteed for everyone of marrying age.

I'm not saying that in a perfect world there would be no pre-marriage relationship, but I think the reasons for which we have dating would be gone and people could move directly from friendship to marriage. But your guess is as good as mine. And I'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this.

3- One of my other friends and I were talking about this on his blog...

As I mentioned above, I strongly believe that the physical is important to intimate relationships. In fact, I believe it is equally as important as emotional intimacy. Equal, but different. And I agree that they should and do both progress over time, but I would have to disagree about them developing parallel to each other. I think the emotional should develop before the physical, at least when it comes to intimacy. And certain physical acts, in my opinion, should only be added after emotional intimacy has brought someone to the wedding altar.

I don't say this because I think that the physical is less important than the emotional, but because I believe its importance is very strong and should be built upon a foundation of emotional intimacy. Just my opinion, but I think emotional intimacy should progress a ways before having the physical intimacy added into the mix. In fact, it is my suspicion that physical intimacy is better and healthier when built upon a strong foundation of emotional intimacy. To add physical intimacy too soon may be to spoil it, like eating icing without any cake, or at least with too little cake (or for a more manly illustration, eating only gravy without or with too little mashed potatoes, lol).

4- My thanks to Amber for addressing this concern. It is definitely a valid question, and I agree with you both that if we are following God's plan, He will take care of the details.

The idea of a first kiss being intense and romantic is very popular in our culture (though you'd have to ask someone else for firsthand experience, lol), but I wonder if maybe it wasn't meant to be that way... maybe it was supposed to be slightly embarrassing and awkward. Not to say that it isn't also romantic and intense, but maybe the romance/intensity can only really blossom after the initial awkwardness. Who knows.

5- (also echoed by Licia) To begin with, I do think that it is important that the couple share the same standards, even if one or both at one time did not have the same standards. For example, if I met a girl and we wanted to date each other, I would hope to have the same standards about kissing and such. However, I wouldn't not date her just because she has already kissed a guy previous to me. Whats most important is her current standards, not her past.

So yes, I would seek a girl who has the same current standards as me. I will say, though, that I won't automatically rule out someone from the start if they disagree with me in the details. Love is a strange thing and God works in mysterious ways to bring two people together. If I truly believe that God has brought a person to me and that I am to love them, we will work through anything, including differences in what is physically acceptable before marriage. Of course, if the person really is from God, I would expect them to at least respect my view even if they dont' agree with it.

As to working out the differences if there are any... my initial response is that the lowest common denominator wins. You should never make someone go against their conscience. You may try to convince them otherwise if your do so in a respectful and loving way, but if they are still against it, don't push them.

I will also add that looking at kissing and such is only a very small slice of the relational pie. I've messed up in ways that I consider much more detrimental to the uniqueness of marriage than kissing before marriage. But by the grace of God, whatever the situation may be, there is forgiveness. And whether it is divine or human, there is no weakness in forgiveness.

Hugo - You, tradtion? Nah! Lol, I miss you Hugo.

Amber - Thanks so much for yoru comment. And I agree, this discussion has become very focused on what we should/shouldn't do, rather than on what God can do. I hope that by focusing on these details I have not given the impression that God's role is supreme in all of this. Thanks for the reminder to keep this all God-centered.

Thanks also to Melissa, Gene, fountainviewkid, and anonymous (lol, whoever you are) for your comments.

(Wow, this is looooooong!)

Clarifying "My First Kiss"

2008-11-10T23:50:00.006-05:00

Some clarifying points about my previous blog...

I don’t think that withholding hugs (and other mutually shared expressions) from your significant other preserves the uniqueness of marriage because in our culture those acts are not unique to marriage (i.e. when you’re married, you’ll still hug other people than your spouse). Kissing on the lips is different because when you’re married, you will only do that with your spouse. Physical intimacy only threatens the uniqueness of marriage when those acts are ones which you will only share with your spouse once married.
I don’t believe that you should think of the person you’re dating and your spouse as separate people. You should intend to marry the person you are dating, otherwise you shouldn’t be dating them. However, they are still not your spouse until you’re married, and until then you don’t have spousal rights.
I am not advocating drawing a line between marriage and non-marriage that says “no physical contact before, even in dating”. I believe that marriage is significantly different than anything before it, but I also see dating as a transitional phase between “just friends” and “just married”. It is more of a grey area, which lends itself to the grey areas of physical intimacy (like hugs and touching hands, which can be expressed in a variety of ways. Kissing on the lips, however, is clearly of an exclusive nature).

In other words, you could argue forever about the fuzzy lines between a “regular hug” and a “romantic hug”, and so I believe these grey areas of physical intimacy must be determined on a personal basis (and through communication between the couple) during the grey area of romantic relationships (dating).

However, no such argument can take place about kissing on the lips. Such a kiss (in my culture) is always romantic; it is therefore not a grey issue and does not belong in the grey area of dating. Instead, it is to be saved for the uniqueness of marriage.

The Bible may not say much about what limits to set before marriage, but it says a lot about the importance of following the principles behind biblical commands. For example, the principle behind "do not murder" is "be loving and don't hate". Similarly, we can find the principles behind the command against pre-marital sex, one of which I believe is the importance of preserving the uniqueness of marriage.

I realize that I’m taking the “bad guy” side of this issue because I’m supporting the “wait now, enjoy later” position, which is never popular. Still, I hope I’m making at least a little bit of sense. :-p

“My First Kiss”

2008-11-09T22:23:00.009-05:00

A light breeze glided around us, whispering a mystery. She leaned in closer. Her hair danced gently across my face, caressing my cheeks. I leaned in closer. I could taste the breath from her parted lips – a silent request for more. Our eyes closed, and then… the kiss!

Or, at least, that’s how I imagine it might be like. The truth is, I’ve never kissed a girl. But before you pity me, let me be clear: I’ve chosen to save my first kiss until marriage.

Now, I’m very curious to know what is going through your mind right now. Perhaps some of you still pity me. Maybe some of you admire me (though God knows I don't deserve it). Some may think it is a nice but antique idea. Others may be offended, thinking I’m some kind of prude who wants to not only deprive myself of certain relational enjoyments, but also deprive everyone else as well.

But to be honest, I desire none of those responses. All I want is for you to give me a few moments to tell you why I’ve made such a choice. This will only be a basic outline, not a detailed analysis, but when we’re finished I hope to have given you something to think about, whether we agree or disagree.

All of this begins with my concept of marriage. I believe that marriage is the most unique of all human relationships that exists. Each type of relationship is special in its own way, but a husband and wife share more unique, private experiences (both emotional and physical) than anyone else.

For simplicity sake, we’re just going to look at the physical aspects of relationships (and even then, more narrowly in the American culture in which I live. I realize these things may vary from culture to culture a bit). There are certain acts that are common to human interactions – hugs, touching hands (handshakes, an act of comfort, holding hands in prayer, etc.), and so on.

On the other hand, there are acts which are exclusive to husband and wife – primarily but not limited to sex of any kind. These interactions not only emphasize and enhance the intimacy of the marriage relationship, but also its uniqueness. By choosing to refrain from these exclusive acts outside of marriage, a person upholds the value and holiness (set-apartness) of marriage.

They also understand that this commitment to uniqueness begins even before marriage. For example, believing that sexual intercourse is exclusive to marriage doesn’t mean they can have sex with anyone they want up until their wedding day and that after that they will only have it with their partner. No, they understand that sexual intercourse is to be a unique shared experience with their spouse only. Therefore, even before marriage they live as if they are married by not having sex with anyone who isn’t their spouse (this also excludes anyone they’re dating or even engaged to. Unless he/she is your spouse, you do not have spousal rights).

Support for such a view of marriage is not very common or popular. Even among Christians who vow to abstain from sex until marriage, the idea of “living as if you’re married before you’re married” tends to be very compartmentalized. It is applied when convenient.

For example, a couple may promise to wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse, but they might consider anything up to that point to be permissible. But is that really respecting the holiness of marriage? Is it only sexual intercourse that is unique to marriage or is it anything and everything sexual?

So what does any of this have to do with kissing? Where do you draw the line between what is to be saved for marriage and what is acceptable before marriage?

The first thing I’d like to say is that the most important question isn’t “How far can I go without it being wrong?” but “How far can I go to protect the sacredness of marriage?” The focus should be on guarding and cherishing the heart of your future spouse.

Secondly, I’d like to suggest the following principle: Any act that is unique to the marriage relationship should be abstained from until marriage. Basically, ask yourself this: will I be doing such-and-such with anyone but my spouse once I’m married? If the answer is no, then it is an act unique to marriage and should be saved for your spouse only… and unless you have a spouse, that means you don’t get to do it yet (or, better phrased, you get to keep that part of yourself especially for the person you marry).

Now, I’m aware there are some grey areas, but I’m not trying to give you step-by-step instructions on how to live your life. Rather, I’m trying to give you general principles that you will be able to apply to your own experiences.

But let’s look at a couple examples of how this might look in real life.

Exhibit A: Hugging. Once you are married, you will continue to hug people other than your spouse. Therefore, a standard hug is not unique to marriage, and can be shared with your significant other before marriage.

Exhibit B: Kissing. Once you are married, you will not kiss anyone (on the lips) except your spouse. Therefore, it is an act unique to marriage, and should be saved for your spouse alone. This rules out kissing before marriage. Until the day you marry your girlfriend, she is not your wife. Until the day you marry your boyfriend, he is not your husband.

Obviously, these are very simple examples, and real life is much more complicated (for example, there are a variety of ways to hug a person). But I hope you get the idea of protecting the uniqueness of marriage even before you’re married. Please feel free to share some feedback with me; I’d really appreciate it!

Unspoken Confessions - Teaser

2008-07-09T14:26:00.006-04:00

Suns, Moons, and Stars: An Astronomical Theory of True Love

2008-02-10T21:13:00.001-05:00

I’ve recently been pondering the possibility of true love. Is it possible for a person to have a soul mate? Is there really someone (and only one) out there who we are “meant to be with”? Can we find true love?

I’ll admit that my initial, gut reaction is that we can. I believe that somehow, despite all that is wrong with this world, there is still hope for true love. I believe that for every Adam, there is an Eve. For every Isaac there is a Rebekah.

But I’ll also admit that there are many difficulties with the idea of true love: the death of a spouse and subsequent remarriage of the surviving spouse; a marriage that is wonderful for twenty years, then suddenly crashes; and certainly the divorce rate, which shows that if there is such a thing as true love we’re definitely not very good at finding (or keeping) it.

And then there’s personal experience. If true love does exist, then that means that all other romantic loves we’ve had are, by definition, false (or at least partly false). That’s a pretty big pill to swallow. Are we really willing to concede that every time we’ve fallen in love (except the “right one”) has been false?

Of course, there are relationships we look back on and say, “Yeah, that was a mistake.” But there are others in which we have a sense that, at least at the time, we had true love. And if we’ve had true love with more than one person, that seems to deny the possibility of true love even existing (since, by definition, romantic true love can only exist with one person).

But then there’s the flipside: our experiences also seem to teach us that true love must exist. The intense pain we experience when parting ways in a relationship seems to indicate that our hearts were not made to form and then break off relationships like that. There is just something about the way our hearts are built and the nature of love that seems to say that we were meant to be with only one love. And this seems to be confirmed by the response of our hearts when we are with the one we love.

So is it possible to find a compromise between the two ideas presented by our experiences? Can we reconcile them into one idea? I believe so.

I’ve been working on a theory of true love based on astronomy. Its basic premise is that each person does have a true love. This person (your true love) is the sun of your earth, so to speak. All the factors come together perfectly: distance, size, light, heat, etc. This makes life and true love possible between the two. And there can be only one, just as there is only one sun for the earth.

However, this theory also explains the other loves we’ve had in our life by saying that they were not all entirely false. They did contain not only portions of true love, but bits and pieces of the true love we were meant to be with. This is similar to how the moon reflects (albeit dimly) aspects of the sun.

Or maybe some situations are like the relationship of the earth to stars. The sun is a star, but as mentioned before, it is in perfect relation to the earth. There are other stars out there that might be a perfect match except for one or two aspects (usually more). Astronomically, this would be something like distance or size. But with love it could be something else: location, time, faith tradition, culture, or a variety of other things.

Let me give you a hypothetical situation in an attempt to help this make sense.

Once upon a time, there was a man. We’ll call him Mr. Earth. Well, Mr. Earth decided he wanted to get married. He dated Girl A. They dated for a few months but eventually parted ways because of conflicts in religion. She decided to become a Buddhist and since Mr. Earth was a Christian, they figured there might be some difficulty in childrearing. Astronomically, she was a star. Many of the requirements for true love existed, but there was one that didn’t match up. They had portions of true love, but not true love itself.

Mr. Earth then found Girl B. They stayed together for three years. They had a lot of good times together and were deeply in love, but eventually she got bored of Mr. Earth and decided to end the relationship. Astronomically, she was a moon. She reflected some of the qualities of true love, but in the end was just a dim reflection.

Next came Girl C. Mr. Earth never actually dated her, but they had a really good friendship. Neither was attracted to the other and, while both were Christians, Mr. Earth felt called to ministry in New Zealand while she felt called to Siberia. Astronomically, she was another star, but a couple factors were wrong this time.

Mr. Earth then decided to be stupid. He dated Girl D next. Everything went great except that they didn’t love each other at all. Astronomically, she was an asteroid, having no life-giving properties and was probably on route to crash into Mr. Earth and cause Armageddon. They broke up.

(Additionally, there was Girl E, who lived in China. She may have been a good match, but Mr. Earth never met her, hence disqualifying her from being his true love. Also, there was Girl F, which may have worked out, except she lived a thousand years ago. Yeah, she’s disqualified too. Astronomically, they were both stars.)

Finally, Mr. Earth met Girl G. This woman was more than he could have ever imagined. She took the qualities of the stars and moons he had loved and amplified them a million times. Mr. Earth realized that all of the things he loved in the girls of previous relationships were really just aspects of the true love he now found in this woman. And there was just something invigorating and life-giving about her that he’d never experienced with any other woman before. It was as if they were made for each other. And maybe they were. They got married. The end.

Anyway, this is my working theory for now. I thought about going into the significance of eclipses and such, but I think the greatness of a good metaphor is in knowing when to stop (thought I did just throw in that asteroid bit out of nowhere).

But I’d like to know what you think. Am I totally wrong? Any other thoughts or insights on the subject? Let me know...

(And long live Team Black!)